i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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