he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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