The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is wine microwaveable?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
