I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
