so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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