You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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