A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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