when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
