...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
