I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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