Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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