Don't you send me to vm
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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