too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
