How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
