i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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