The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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