After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
