So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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