I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
