my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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