i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was born a porn star she said
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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