she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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