Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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