I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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