We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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