Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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