guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
