We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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