I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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