i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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