I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
