I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
