Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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