there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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