I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
