how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
