Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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