she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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