after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
