where am i from again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
