so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
