only you would photoshop your dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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