somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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