wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
