her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
