i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
