Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
