so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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