i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
