I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
