I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
