ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
