you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
