If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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