After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
