she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
