cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
