Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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