Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
