What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
