If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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